Info about asexuality

Asexual – Asexuality is a sexual orientation. Being asexual means not feeling sexual attraction for anyone regardless of gender.

Ace – Ace  is slang for asexual, asexual people and people on the asexual spectrum.

Allosexual – Allosexual is a term for people who experience "regular" sexual attraction. That means it applies to every sexual orientation that's not asexual or on the asexual spectrum. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual = allosexual.

Aromantic – Aromantic means not experiencing romantic attraction. Aromantic ≠ asexual. There are asexual people (aces) who experience romantic attraction and there are aromantic people (aro) who experience sexual attraction. Of course there are also aro aces.

Aro – Aro is slang for aromantic, aromantic people and people on the aromantic spectrum.

Can I be asexual, if ... – Yes. Unless your question continues with "experience sexual attraction to people*?“, the answer is always "yes“. Answering "Am I asexual?“ isn't as simple.

 

*You might still be on the ace spectrum, if you experience sexual attraction.

Personal background

  • Age – There is no age limit for sexual orientations. You're never too young or too old to discover them. You might know from an early age what your sexual orientation is while others don't know, as well as the other way round. It's not a competition. Also, sexual orientations can change in time or even fluctuate. Either way, your sexual orientation is always valid. Of course you might be a late bloomer, but even if, until you "bloom", you're asexual.

 

  • Gender – The beauty of asexuality is that it can be easily applied to all genders, binary and non-binary, simply because aces are not sexually attracted to any gender. So it doesn't matter which gender(s) you are.

 

  • Religion – Aces can be part of any type of religion, as well as atheism.

 

  • Nationality – Asexuality exists worldwide. Due to more awareness in some countries, people in other countries might not know they are asexual.

 

  • Mental health – Asexuality is not a mental issue or disability. It's a sexual orientation. Mentally healthy people can be aces, as well as people with mental illnesses.

 

  • Physical health – Asexuality is not a physical issue or disability. It's a sexual orientation. Physically healthy people can be aces, as well as people with physical illnesses.

 

  • Libido – Libido ≠ sexual attraction. It's not part of your sexual orientation. Libido is like an itch. It doesn't tell you who you want to scratch it, whereas sexual attraction tells you exactly that. Aces can have anything from no libido to a high libido.

 

  • Sex-positive – Some, but not all, aces are sex-positive. That means they are supportive of people having sex and have a general positive attitude towards sex. That doesn't necessarily mean they would have sex themselves.

 

  • Autochorissexual/Aegosexual - Some, but not all, aces are autochorissexual/aegosexual. That means they might have sexual fantasies and/or read/watch sexual content and enjoy it, possibly masturbate, but have no desire to have sex themselves.

 

  • Sex-aversion – Some, but not all, aces are sex-averse. That means they don't wish to engage in sexual acts.

 

  • Sex-repulsion – Some, but not all, aces are sex-repulsed. That can mean they feel repulsed by the thought of having sex or it could mean being repulsed by sex in general.

 

  • Sex-indifferent – Some, but not all, aces are sex-indifferent. That can mean they are neutral to the idea of having sex or it could mean being neutral towards sex in general.

 

  • Sex-favorable – Some, but not all, aces are sex-favorable. That means they are in general willing to have sex or even seek out sexual partners. That doesn't contradict them being asexual, because people can have sex for many reasons. You don't need sexual attraction towards a sexual partner.

Behavior and preferences

 

 

  • Look – There is no asexual look. Aces may wear anything that their sense of fashion, occupation, financial status, religion and weather allows.

 

  • Children – Some, but not all, aces want to have children. Some choose to conceive via sexual intercourse, others choose other methods, including adoption.

 

  • Abstinence – Abstinence ≠ asexuality. Abstinence is the choice to refrain from sex. Asexuality is a sexual orientation. Some, but not all, aces choose to remain abstinent.

 

  • Intimacy – Aces have different levels of comfort when it comes to intimacy. Aces may be okay with anything between no physical contact at all and having sex.

 

  • Masturbation – Some, but not all, aces masturbate. Aces can get aroused, have a libido and/or want to relieve stress, but have no desire to have sex. Masturbation is a good way to deal with it.

 

 

 

  • Sex – Aces can have sex. That doesn't contradict them being asexual, because people can have sex for many reasons. You don't need sexual attraction towards a sexual partner. Aces can get aroused, have a libido, want to relieve stress, are curious, want to please their partner, and/or simply enjoy it. Some, but not all, aces choose to have sex.

 

  • Fetishes  Some, but not all aces have fetishes. Fetishes don't require sexual attraction.

 

Attractions – Most people seem to experience several types of attraction towards the same gender/genders simultaneously. That doesn't apply to everyone though. It's possible to experience different types of attraction (or the lack thereof) towards different genders. That's often the case for aces.

 

Types of attractions

  • Sexual attraction – It's a form of attraction that indicates who someone wants to have sex with. For many people sexual attraction goes hand in hand with sex drive and/or romantic attraction and/or other types of attraction. That doesn't apply to everyone though. Aces don't axperience sexual attraction.

 

  • Romantic attraction – It's a form of attraction that indicates who someone wants to have a romantic relationship with. Aces may or may not experience romantic attraction.

 

  • Platonic attraction – It's a form of attraction that indicates who someone wants to be close to in a non-romantic and non-sexual way. Aces may or may not experience platonic attraction.

 

  • Alterous attraction – It's a form of attraction that is between platonic attraction and romantic attraction. Aces may or may not experience alterous attraction.

 

  • Sensual attraction – It's a form of attraction that indicates who someone wants to have physical contact with in a nonsexual way. Aces may or may not experience sensual attraction.

 

  • Aesthetic attraction – Aesthetic attraction is a form of attraction that indicates who someone find aesthetically appealing. Aces may or may not experience aesthetic attraction.

Relationships

  • Sexual relationship – It's a type of relationship that's based on sexual contact. Romantic love or platonic love may or may not be part of it. Aces usually don't choose to be part of solely sexual relationships. There are exceptions; for example sex-favorable aro aces.

 

  • Romantic relationship – It's a type of relationship that's based on romantic love – but not necessarily sex. Many aces desire romantic relationships.

 

  • Mixed-orientation relationship - It's a type of relationship between people who have different romantic and/or sexual orientations (I.e. a biromantic heterosexual in a romantic relationship with a panromantic asexual.). Many aces choose to be in mixed-orientation relationships.

 

  • Queerplatonic relationship/Quasiplatonic relationship – It's a type of relationship that's usually based on platonic love. Many aro aces choose to be in queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationships. Other aces may choose them as well. It's up to the people in queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationships to define what it means to them and what they're okay with. Some may cuddle, some may have sex, some may not have any kind of physical contact.

 

  • Open relationship – It's a type of romantic and/or sexual relationship that's open for one or all partners to engage in sexual activities with people outside of the relationship. Some aces choose to be in an open relationship with allosexual partners.

 

  • Polyamorous relationship – It's a type of romantic and/or sexual relationship that's between more than two people. There are different combinations (I.e. one partner has several partners, while the other ones don't. Some or all partners have other partners. All partners are involved with each other.). Some aces choose to be in a polyamorous relationship.

Spectrum

 

  • Graysexual – It means it's somewhere between allosexual and asexual. It can be feeling sexually attracted once every 30 years or being sexually attracted three times a year. Graysexuality is a spectrum on its own. Many sexual orientations mentioned here are part of it.

 

  • Demisexual – It means you are only able to experience sexual attraction to someone after an emotional connection is formed  (I.e. friendship or a romantic relationship.). Being demisexual doesn't mean you always feel sexual attraction towards someone whenever you establish an emotional connection, but you don't ever feel sexual attraction outside of an emotion connection.

 

  • Fraysexual - It means you are only able to experience sexual attraction to someone who you don't know well. Once you're getting emotionally closer to them, you lose the attraction.

 

  • Akoisexual/Lithsexual – It means you experience sexual attraction to someone, but either don't want/need them to reciprocate the feeling or you lose the attraction once they do/you're in a sexual relationship with them.

 

  • Recipsexual - It means you are only able to experience sexual attraction to someone who is sexually attracted to you.

 

  • Cupiosexual – It means you don't experience sexual attraction, but desire a sexual relationship.

 

  • Iamvanosexual – It means you feel the desire to be on the receiving end of sexual acts, but don't wish to give them.

 

  • Placiosexual – It means you don't feel desire to be on the receiving end of sexual acts, but you wish to give them.

 

  • Abrosexual – It means having a fluid or fluctuating sexuality.

 

  • Aceflux – It means your ace identity can fluctuate. For example you can be sex-averse on some days and sex-favorable on others.

 

  • WTFsexual/Quoisexual – It means you're not able to tell sexual and other attractions apart.

 

  • Novisexual – It means the sexuality is hard to define or name due to complicated attraction or the lack thereof.

 

  • Apothisexual – It means you're asexual and sex-repulsed.

Asexual symbols

  • Flag – The asexual pride flag is made of four horizontal stripes. The colors are black, gray, white and purple. Black represents asexuality, gray represents the graysexual spectrum, white represents sexuality and purple represents community.

 

  • Black ring – The black ring is usually worn on the right middle finger as a symbol of being part of the ace community.

 

  • Cake – Cake is a kind of inside joke for aces. For aces cake is supposed to be better than sex.

 

  • Dragon – Dragons are sometimes used as an ace mascot, because aces seem to be mystical creatures to some people.

Issues

  • Asexual reproduction – When people hear the term “asexual“, they often assume it's about asexual reproduction. Though it's the same word, the meaning is a completely different one.

 

  • Misconceptions – There are several misconceptions about asexuality and aces; For instance, many allosexuals think asexuality is a physical or mental health issue or is the result of abuse, over assuming all aces hate sex, to confusing sexual attraction with sex drive and/or with romantic attraction.

 

  • Special Snowflake – Aces are often called "Special snowflakes“. People often assume all aces are the result of tumblr and that they all just claim to be ace for the attention.

 

  • Challenge – People often see aces as a challenge instead of people who are simply not sexually attracted to them. They also often think they can "cure“ someone's asexuality by having sex with an ace.

 

  • LGBT+ community – Aces face ignorance and a lack of acceptance from some members of the LGBT+ community. The main reasons are often that they believe aces aren't as much discriminated against as some other members of the LGBT+ community or that they don't take asexuality seriously.

If you want to add or correct something, send an email or message Asexual ACES on facebook.

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